S6Ep6 - Sundown

Hello my dear friends -

No time for small talk! Let's get right to it... flashes first.

DON'T YOU TELL ME TO DENY IT
I'VE DONE WRONG
AND I WANNA SUFFER
FOR MY SINS

Remember last week when I mentioned that most of the 815ers' lives seemed better in the sideways timeline? Uh, scratch that for Sayid. We'd assumed he was gazing upon a picture of his wife Nadia on the rebooted flight... but it turns out that she married and has two children with Sayid's brother, Omer. D'oh! It sucks because otherwise I was really digging the kids calling him "Uncle Sayid."

Yet just because she married his bro doesn't mean Nadia's over her feelings for He of the Black Tank Top ... and vice versa. In fact, the flashes were quickly devolving into some sort of stolen glance and angst-filled rival to the Edward-Bella-Jacob triangle when Omer finally visited Sayid in the dead of the night and informed him that he was in the kind of trouble that heaps of cash can't remedy. Seems he'd taken a loan from some Bad Dudes. Cue the wheels to start spinning in all of our heads... surely it was going to be someone we knew, right? Omer says matter-of-factly, "Can you just kill these guys for me, 'cause, like, that's what you do?" and Sayid was all, "NO! Stop reducing me to nothing but a cold-blooded murderer! I have changed!!!" M'kay...

Next thing we know, Omer's in the hospital (Hi, Jack!) and Sayid's about to throw the beat-down on someone, but Nadia pleads with him to just go back and take care of the kids. When we later saw him fixing the vase -- even after he explained that its destruction was caused by a "boomerang incident" -- I was still confident that he'd already taken care of business and hoofed it back before school was out. But I was wrong. He didn't make the pain rain down on anyone just yet, and was finally able to explain to Nadia why he couldn't be with her. It's because he doesn't feel he deserves her -- he just can't get over all of that torturing in his past. The torturer is now the tortured. And... scene.


HE HAD A NASTY REPUTATION
AS A CRUEL DUDE
THEY SAID HE WAS RUTHLESS
SAID HE WAS CRUDE

I was forewarned there was going to be a surprise guest star in this episode, so I watched the first ten minutes or so with a magazine held up to block the bottom of the screen until my husband told me the credits were over. There must be too much other Lost info in my brain, because I failed to recognize Omar the thug from the freighter team when he rolled up to take Sayid on a ride to meet the Head Bad Dude, and therefore still had no idea who the Head Bad Dude might turn out to be. My best guess was Widmore.

So imagine my surprise when it turned out to be the meathead we all love to hate, Martin Keamy. Unable to hide his buffness, even when frying up eggs. Sayid could stand about two minutes of his cockiness before springing into Badass Mode, disarming the nearby goons and then pointing the gun at Keamy. And then pulling the trigger. At least Sayid got to be the one to kill Keamy in this timeline, huh?

Oh, but the surprises weren't over. There was some commotion in the freezer, and then all of us immediately starting ticking through the various characters we suspected might be in there. I was still thinking Widmore, but had Mr. Paik (Sun's dad) and Ben on my list, too -- figuring that maybe Ben was a European History teacher by day and still mixed up in sketchy stuff at night. In no way did I expect it to be Jin, though I guess I shouldn't have been surprised because with all that cash in his bag at the airport, it was pretty clear that he wasn't just planning a quick Vegas retreat.

So the flashes ended by confirming that 1) things are not coming up all puppy dogs and roses for Sayid and Jin in the No Crash timeline, and 2) that any way you slice it, Sayid's gonna kill some mo-fo's dead. I still love him, though.

There's much more to discuss in the on-Island events, so here we go...


BETTER OFF DEAD
YEAH, BETTER OFF DEAD
WHY DON'T YOU TRY
PUSHING DAISIES INSTEAD?

Sayid, no longer able to deal with all of the Others continuing to give him the stink-eye, busts into Dogen's lair and demands to know what's going on. Dogen explains that Sayid's inner pendulum has swung to the "Beyond Bad" side and that it would be best if he ceased to exist. Now, remember that when Sayid thought he was a goner back at the Swan site, he basically told Hurley that there was nothing that could save him because of all the horrible things he'd done in his life. Yet once he took a dip in the Temple's spring, died and came back to life, all of a sudden he's claiming to be a good person. Methinks he doth protest too much, and that, sadly enough, the darkness was in fact already winning out within Sayid at that point.

Dogen knew this, and so it was a total Battle Royale in that little chamber with random pots flying and shelving units crashing and broomsticks being used as defense weapons and all sorts of ninja moves. I LOVED IT. Sayid had finally met his match, and Dogen could've ended it all once he had Sayid pinned, but then that damned baseball dropped onto the floor and snapped Dogen out of his rage. At this point I must admit that I was just proud of myself for noticing how weird it was that we saw Dogen twirling that same ball a few episodes back. And then I immediately became obsessed with understanding the meaning behind it.
I started thinking it was some sort of Magic Eight Ball and when it rolled a certain way that meant something to Dogen. As we found out later, I was wrong yet again.

But before we learned the history of the baseball, Dogen and Sayid had unfinished business. Dogen was like, "I totally pwned you, but I'm letting you go so get out of here before I change my mind." Humiliated, Sayid does just that, but first he stops to tell Miles of his plans. Miles sets him straight on the fact that he was in fact dead for a full two hours, and that whatever brought him back to life was NOT the Others' magic water.


YOU KNOW, SHE'S A LITTLE BIT DANGEROUS

Around the same time, Fake Locke and Claire have left Jin back at Claire's makeshift abode (I assume) and are now standing on the ash perimeter outside the Temple. Claire's whining about not wanting to go inside and Fake Locke's like, "For the last freakin' time, do you want your kid back or not?" He reminds her that he always does what he says and notes that he's only going to hurt "the ones who don't listen." That was apparently a good enough answer for her and so she sullenly trots off.

The Others are all, "Aww, crap, HER again???" when Claire stomps onto the grounds and starts talking smack to Dogen about his penchant for speaking Japanese. She tells Dogen that "you know who" wants to see him out back, and Dogen replies, "Do you seriously think I would fall for that?" He orders Claire to be thrown in a holding pit and then taps an about-to-leave Sayid on the shoulder and says, "Remember that little brawl we had earlier today? Are you man enough to put that behind you and place yourself in harm's way to prove how 'good' you are? Yes? Excellent! Follow me."

They go back into the lair, where Dogen proceeds to pull out some sort of box that got me ALL excited because I thought it was the same weird case that Ben took out of the ventilation system last season in "The Lie." Remember that? What in the hell was in that thing?


That's definitely an answer I'm expecting to get because it was too random to have in that episode otherwise.

But anyway, Dogen's box contained some sort of magical knife and was too ornate and long to be the same thing Ben had been toting around off-Island. He tells Sayid that if he really wants to prove he's a hero, he's got to stab the guy who's "evil incarnate" through the heart before he says anything, and that this baddie is most likely going to appear to him as someone he knows who has died. Finally, Dogen made like Padma on Top Chef and ordered Sayid to "pack his knife and go."


DON'T SPEAK

At this point I was beside myself with fear that either Sayid or Fake Locke was going to kick the bucket. Yes, I of course prefer Real Locke to Fake Locke, but we all know that Fake Locke is still an absolute trip to watch. Then I was scared that Sayid was going to forget that Kate wasn't dead and stab her when she appeared out of nowhere in the jungle. But he didn't, phew. She continued on to finally be reunited with Claire, he paused for a drink of water, and then the wind kicked up and the ticker sound started and...

... out came Fake Locke. In that split-second my true loyalty was revealed, because I screamed at the TV, "STAB HIM YOU FOOL BOOB, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?!?!" Alas, Fake Locke got out two words before Sayid was able to act. I had interpreted Dogen's instructions literally -- meaning that if Fake Locke said anything whatsoever, then the whole plan was foiled. So that's why Sayid's stabbing attempt didn't work. I've talked to a few people who don't share that opinion -- they think maybe Sayid didn't actually hit Fake Locke's heart (we know he's had issues with his aim in the past from his assassination attempt on Little Ben), or that Dogen was just setting Sayid up, or that it was a last-ditch effort that Dogen wasn't really sure would work at all (did you notice Fake Locke didn't even bleed?). Either way, Fake Locke pulled out the knife and was like, "Really, Sayid?"

You can bet that at this point I feared the worst for Mr. Jarrah. Because here's the thing, the ABC Promo Monkeys had promised us that this episode was going to be SO CRAZY that they couldn't even show us more than three seconds of it in the previews before it aired. Therefore, I had really worked myself up into a lather and was confident that one of the main characters was going to be killed off. Since Fake Locke survived, I figured the goner had to be Sayid. Yet I was wrong AGAIN (I actually like being wrong when it comes to this show, so it's all good) and Fake Locke did nothing more than lambaste Sayid for being so gullible. "So you believed that random samurai you've known for like, what, a few days? The same guy who already tried to kill you twice? Reeeaaaal smart, Sayid, way to go. I, on the other hand, can offer you anything you want -- anything. No really, ANYTHING. Yep, even that."


TAKE MY ADVICE
AND LISTEN UP

Sayid strolls back to the Others' territory and shouts, "Hear ye, hear ye! Your man Jacob is dead, and Smokey will be coming to kill you all at sundown unless you agree to leave the Island with the man who looks and sounds like but is not John Locke. Best of luck, suckas!"

Miles try to ask Sayid what they should do next, but Sayid's on a mission and heads into the Temple. Meanwhile, Kate had found Claire and did not get quite the reaction she was expecting when she was finally able to share the good news that Aaron was safe back in the real world. Claire was all, "Hey sister, I've got bigger problems -- like this natty weave!!! And you're about to have a big problem too, in that Smokey is going to barrel through here at any moment and leave you dangling on the rope ladder, fearing for your life. Think about THAT."


AND YOU REALLY DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD HAPPEN
BUT IT REALLY IS THE END OF THE LINE

While Kate's getting the sinking feeling that something's not quite right about Claire, Sayid has gone to "return Dogen's knife" (that's the new code phrase for "kill people"). But first, the Lost gods put me out of my misery and revealed the meaning behind the baseball. Turns out that back in the real world, Dogen had too much to drink before picking up his son after baseball practice, crashed his car, and his son died. When Dogen said that a man showed up at the hospital and promised that he'd save his son in return for Dogen coming to the Island and never seeing the boy again, I was SURE the man was Ben, since that's pretty much exactly the same story Ben gave to Juliet to get her to come work for him on the Island (substitute "son" for "sister"). But it turns out that it was Jacob himself who drove the hard bargain with Dogen. Sayid's like, "That sucks. Now I must drown you."

I SO did not see that whole scene coming, either. Did I not just admit in the last post that Dogen was growing on me? Damn. I'll console myself with the thought that he appears to be sober and with a very much alive son in the alternate timeline. Next to be shown no mercy was Lennon, who had never really connected with me, but who I did have a moment of true sadness for after he starting crying, "What have you done!?!? Do you know what you've done!?!?!" once he found Dead Dogen in the spring.

It turns out that the ash alone wasn't enough to stop Smokey. It was Ash + Alive Dogen that was necessary to keep the Man in Black at bay (I'm not even questioning that at this point -- no energy). And the second Dogen's ticker stopped ticking, Smokey began wreaking all sorts of vengeance on the Others.


BUT WHAT I REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS
ARE YOU GONNA GO MY WAY?

Just in time for the Spectacular Smoketacular, Ilana, Lapidus, Sun and Ben arrive at the Temple. Sun gives us her requisite "Where is Jin?!!?" plea and Lapidus gives us another few snarky one-liners and then Ilana hauls everyone (plus Miles) into a secret room to wait out the mayhem. Ben tried to get Sayid to come along, and let me just tell you that I was ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that Sayid was going to kill Ben right then and there. Remember, I was still under the impression that something SO CRAZY was going to go down in this episode because of that freakin' non-preview. Instead, Ben told Sayid that there was still time to escape, which led to the #1 Freakiest Moment of the Night: Sayid's haunting "Not for me." I can barely even stand to look at this screencap, his face is just so creepy. Aaaahhhhh!!!!


So the splinter group of good guys is in the depths of the Temple, Jin's presumably still in the jungle with a gaping ankle wound, Jack and Hurley are probably on their way back from the lighthouse, Richard is MIA, Sawyer is MIA (remember, last we saw of him he'd agreed to "get the hell of this rock" with Fake Locke), and Kate... oops. See what happens when you change up your routine and DON'T tag along with Jack, girl? You get thrown in with a bunch of undead freaks, fraidy-cat Others and Evil Incarnate himself, aka Fake Locke. I have to say that Kate's face when she realized what she'd gotten herself into was one of the only light points in an otherwise extremely tense hour.


What was just as interesting was Fake Locke's reaction to seeing her among his troops. Here are the progressions of his face: 1) What tha? 2) Oh, this is precious. 3) Hmm, could she be trouble? 4) Nah, she's just a girl. Maybe I could even use her as Jack or Sawyer Bait if need be. That seemed to work for my friends the Others back on the Hydra, I do believe.

They all marched off of the grounds in slo-mo, set to a way-too-unnerving version of Claire's "Catch a Falling Star." When I realized exactly what it was I was hearing, I got chills.


YOU MUST NOT KNOW 'BOUT ME
YOU MUST NOT KNOW 'BOUT ME

So before I wrap things up, let's talk about who's good, who's bad, and who's something that we can't quite put our finger on yet. Here's where I stand: I think the Man in Black/Fake Locke is bad. I think Dogen calling him "evil incarnate" is the closest this show is ever going to come to hinting that he is actually Satan, the Devil, Beelzebub, or whatever you want to call him. In no way do I believe that we'll ever actually learn his "name." We don't really need to. We just need to make up our minds whether or not we think he's the bad guy, and I've made up my mind.

Here's exactly why I think the Man in Black is "bad": 1) He's Smokey. Smokey's killed a lot of people just for the hell of it at this point. 2) He offered Sayid "anything he wanted," but in exchange for an evil act. 3) He's a very slick talker -- claiming to always "do what he says" and all that. I'm not the most religious person in the world, but I'm pretty sure that those are some of the devil's traits as well... spinning lies that sound like the truth. 4) He's saying he wants to "go home" and leave the Island, but since we know he's extremely old, there's no way he has any sort of off-Island life to return to. I think the only way he can break free of whatever took him out of his original form is to destroy the Island. He probably just wants to die at this point. 5) He is clearly trying to pick off Jacob's Chosen Ones. 6) This face:


7) And this face:


As for Jacob, well, I'm not so sure. I don't think he's supposed to be God or anything like that, nor do I believe that he's supposed to represent 100% Goodness, Not from Concentrate. For those who draw parallels between the deal Fake Locke made Sayid and the deal Jacob made Dogen, I say: Fake Locke required an act of evil (killing Dogen) in return for Sayid to get something that HE wanted -- something selfish. Jacob required Dogen to perform a selfless act (coming to the Island) in order to save someone else. Yes, it still put Dogen in an awful situation, but once again, to draw parallels to the Bible, there were a whole lot of sacrifices that had to be made by those who were following someone who they weren't even really sure existed. That's basically the definition of "faith." Plus, to be totally practical, I just can't fathom that the writers would have this evil awful guy be the one to bring our Losties to the Island. I have to believe that Jacob knew they were special and that whatever they did on the Island would have the most positive impact on the world at large, versus if they never crashed there at all.


BEST LINES OF THE EPISODE

MILES: You know the blonde? One that had the baby?

KATE: Claire?

MILES: Right. Claire. She just strolled in here a couple hours ago, acting all weird. Still hot though.

KEAMY: I make good eggs!


I really, really enjoyed this episode. Here's hoping for more of the same next week!

Until then,
- e

S6Ep5 - Lighthouse

Hello my dear friends -

Curse Chicago germs! I'm pretty sick, people. That's why I was kinda glad that -- in my opinion -- there wasn't a ton to talk about in "Lighthouse." (Unless you count all the mirror/reflection symbolism and little nods to recurring themes in the series, like Alice in Wonderland and rabbits -- but I really have no energy for that kind of stuff at this point - sorry!)

My nasty illness is also why I'm keeping this post more succinct than usual -- though I did throw in a section at the end about "the big picture."

But first, the flashes.

WHEN YOU COMIN' HOME, DAD?
I DON'T KNOW WHEN
BUT WE'LL GET TOGETHER THEN, SON
YOU KNOW WE'LL HAVE A GOOD TIME THEN

The biggest surprise of the night was that Jack has a teenage son, David. That means in the alternate timeline, Jack would've had to have hooked up with the kid's mother in the late '80s or early '90s for David to be in junior high in 2004 (this is of course assuming his son was not adopted at an older age). We can figure that Jack was born in the early '70s, which probably means he became a daddy right outta high school. (Remember, I'm not talking about Matthew Fox's age, I'm talking about the presumed age of the character Jack Shephard.) So it most likely wasn't Sarah that he married, had David with and then divorced, because in the original timeline Jack and Sarah didn't meet until her accident in 2001.

If you're confused about the timing of everything, just know that my point is that Sarah probably isn't Jack's ex. We might never find out who that ex is (though you can bet I was like, "Oh my gosh, who's going to be in that house?!?! Juliet... PENNY?!?! Did ALTJack dig the older chicks and get with Ms. Hawking!?!?!") because the writers have bigger fish to fry at the moment and there are already a lot of other 815 connections in the flash-sideways. To play devil's advocate with my own theory, though, it could still be Sarah that Jack married because -- hell, why not? Enough has changed for our characters in the alternate timeline that really, anything is possible. But I still think that either way, the identity of David's mom probably doesn't matter.

(If anyone could follow the above two paragraphs and is NOT on Nyquil, you should be very worried.)

I think the bigger question to ask about Jack's flash segments is, why would he have a son in this version of events in the first place? That's part of what I'll talk about at the end of this post.


WELL WE'RE ALL IN THE MOOD FOR A MELODY
AND YOU'VE GOT US FEELIN' ALRIGHT

After helping his mom find Christian's will (which listed Claire... who might be the connection that brings Jack and Kate back together in this timeline -- remember Kate still has Claire's credit card and could easily find her again), Jack returned home to find that David had vanished. After a little investigative work, Jack tracked him down at an audition. (I got a chuckle out of the "Welcome All Candidates!" sign in the entryway.)

I can only assume that David's character name was a shout-out to pianist extraordinaire David Helfgott (whose life was the basis for the Oscar-winning movie Shine). 'Cause he was tearing it UP on the stage. My first thought was that maybe this kid is the one who ends up programming the musical code into the Looking Glass station, but that doesn't really make sense since he's not in the same timeline, so forget I even mentioned it. My second thought I voiced aloud to my husband: "Oh crap, that kid is going to glance into the audience, see Jack there and then totally blow it and Jack will NOT be able to 'fix it.'" Thankfully, that didn't happen. What did happen is that David finished his piece successfully, and while Jack was waiting in the wings, who does he meet but Dogen. That was the second-biggest surprise of the night for me. You all know that I was not in love with Dogen in the previous episodes, but dammit if he hasn't grown on me. I was hoping he'd have the scroll necklace thingy on, but his shirt was too buttoned up to tell.

Will the Jack/Dogen encounter amount to anything more, or is it just another neato run-in in the flash-sideways universe? I'm thinking it's the latter -- I'm failing to see another circumstance that will bring those two together. For now I think Dogen's purpose was to remind Jack that, um, he's like the worst dad ever. David's in junior high and Jack has no idea how long he's been tickling the ivories? For shame!

Ah, but it was all made right in the end, when Jack had a very moving and heartfelt talk with his son in the parking lot. His words weren't quite up there with "We have to go BACK!" or "Why do you find it so easy?!?", but overall this scene is certainly a contender for one of the Top Ten Jack Moments of the series. He stopped himself from becoming like his father. Better late than never, right?

OK, Island time.


I KNOW YOU CAN
WON'T YOU DO IT FOR ME NOW?

After Jack and Dogen stopped being polite and started getting real with each other, and after Miles and Hurley grew tired of playing tic-tac-toe (?!?), Hurley went back into the Temple, and there was Jacob, totally pouring something into the spring. No idea what it was -- maybe something to make the water run clear again?

Jacob's like: "What up, dog? Can you run an errand for me since I'm dead?" Said errand is soooo complicated that poor Hurley needs to scrawl instructions up and down his arm. Do you know how hard it is to wash off pen ink? Hurley's a good sport because I wouldn't have done it. Anyway, the point of the errand is to help someone find his or her way to the Island.

While Hurley's dealing with Jacob, Sayid's upset that all the Others are giving him the stinky side-eye. "Are they jealous of my tank top collection? I mean, they're pretty fitted to my body but I will totally share if that's what's causing the problem here." Jack tells him that no, it's actually that they think he might go loco at any given moment and that they'd wanted Jack to poison him with the little green pill. Jack also shares that the Others have seen this happen to "someone else," but stops short of naming Claire.

Now Hurley's trolling around some hallway o' hieroglyphics and Dogen catches him and demands that he leave. Jacob materializes (only to Hurley, of course) and tells Hurley to say "You are not the boss of me and I can do whatever I want so nyah nyah -- deal with it!" In response Dogen reverts to spewing Japanese and takes off. Then Jacob's like, "Uh, I told you to bring Jack," and Hurley says, "But he's such a freakin' DOWNER all the time," and Jacob replies, "Sorry, dude, them's my rules."


BONES
SINKING LIKE STONES
ALL THAT WE'VE FOUGHT FOR
ALL THESE PLACES WE'VE GROWN
ALL OF US ARE DONE FOR

Hurley gets Jack to come along by uttering the magic phrase, "You have what it takes." That's just like somebody telling Locke all of the stuff that he CAN do. It works.

Along their trek to god knows where, they run into Kate. She does NOT want to tag along with them for once -- she's dead set on locating Claire. "I hope you find what you're looking for," are her parting words. I think that sentiment could apply to all of the characters at this point, don't you?

Next thing we know, Jack's stepping on Shannon's inhaler and Hurley's gazing upon the Adam and Eve skeletons, last seen near the beginning of Season One. He wonders aloud something that we've of course all been theorizing about: with the insane amount of time-traveling that's transpired, couldn't those skeletons be two of the 815ers? Why yes, Hurley, I imagine we'll find out that they are and that's exactly why Darlton wanted to plant that seed with the audience. "Normal" fans of the show would have forgotten all about Adam and Eve, so they needed to be reminded.

One note about the skeletons, since their identities are one of the mysteries I've been the most curious about: I rewatched "House of the Rising Sun" to be sure, and my memory served me correctly -- the skeletons did not used to be next to each other. Now they are.


If you want to see for yourself and have your Season One DVDs nearby, pop in Disc 2, go to HOTRS, and the scene in question is at the beginning of Chapter 4. Or you could 1) just trust me or 2) infer that the skeletons are not near each other in that episode because of Jack's comment (from the transcript) that I've bolded below.

KATE: Who is he? How'd he get here?

JACK: I can't exactly perform an autopsy but there doesn't seem to be any major trauma to the bones. There's another one over here. Someone laid them to rest here.

. . .

KATE: Any idea how long they've been here?

JACK: Long. It takes 40 or 50 years for clothing to degrade like this.

Let me first say that I do not think the movement of the skeletons is anything to get all worked up about. I think the easiest explanation is that their repositioning might've simply been a conscious production choice, most likely because the characters those skeletons belong to will end up being a couple. And it would seem kind of weird if a couple had been laid to rest across the cave from each other. The vast majority of Lost fans would've never noticed the difference, and if/when the skeletons are revealed to be Bernard/Rose, Jack/Kate, Sawyer/Kate, Desmond/Penny, Widmore/Hawking, Jin/Sun or some other couple then it will make more sense that they're side by side.

As for who *I* think the skeletons are? I've never bought into the Rose and Bernard theory because that would've meant that Rose and Bernard died immediately after we last saw them in 1977 at their retirement beach home. (And 40-50 years haven't passed since then, either.) I think it's more likely that the characters in question died in the '50s, or maybe there is something so bizarre happening with the time warp on the Island that it was impossible for Jack to be correct about how long the people had been deceased. All I know is that Jack was the last one seen with the small black and white stones in the pouch he removed from one of the skeletons, so he's still Suspect #1 in my mind. Thoughts?


LET IT SHINE ON
LET IT SHINE ON
LET THE LIGHT FROM YOUR LIGHTHOUSE
SHINE ON ME

(Shout-out to Kyle C for suggesting this section's lyrics!)

Lots of big revelations from Jack in this episode, huh? We've already talked about his "I love you no matter what!" speech to David, and then at the caves he not only told Hurley that his father was NOT in his coffin after Flight 815 crashed, but he also copped to returning to the Island because he thought it would "fix" him. I think that all of this self-reflection on Jack's end is clearly necessary in order for him to be able to fulfill his ultimate destiny, which is of course what Jacob also refers at the end of the episode.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Next, Jack and Hurley reach a lighthouse that nobody's ever seen before. Even though they had Jack acknowledge that fact, I was still kind of annoyed -- I mean, come on -- somebody would've seen this lighthouse by now. But I'm over it.

They climb up to the top and Jack grows increasingly pissed off because Jacob hasn't graced them with his presence yet. Hurley said that they're supposed to turn the big wheel in the middle of the room to degree 108. As they start doing so, Jack notices weird reflections in the series of mirrors behind the wheel. Let me just tell you that I was SO excited when I saw those buildings flashing by -- I thought it was going to be a portal into another dimension, kind of like in the His Dark Materials books. I thought the characters would be able to leap through the mirror -- you know, "Through the Looking Glass" and all that. Instead, Jack put the names on the degree markings together with the images in the mirrors and turned the wheel to his own name. Once he turned the counter to 23 and subsequently saw the home he grew up in, he decided that Jacob had been using the contraption to spy on him and -- like an exceedingly frustrated Lost fan -- demanded answers right then and there.


WALKING ON
WALKING ON
BROKEN GLASS

Jacob failed to materialize and dole out answers, so Jack did something I thought was kind of dumb -- he smashed all the mirrors. No otherworldly portals for YOU now, Jack -- good job. I'm not fond of when the Mad Doctor does things without thinking them through first. But, like the presence of the lighthouse, I'm over it.

The funny thing was that Jacob DID actually appear, it's just that 1) Jack was off sulking and 2) couldn't have seen him anyway. Jacob told Hurley that some peeps can just be told what to do ("Not that there's anything wrong with that, Hurley..."), while others need to be influenced a bit more subtly. Jacob said that Jack has "something to do" and that he needed to understand how important he was, so basically the entire errand he'd sent those two on was a set-up. Hurley's like, "But what about the person who needs to get to the Island?" I thought Jacob would say that there wasn't actually anybody coming, but instead he said that whoever it was would "find another way."


AND I WON'T TELL 'EM YOUR NAME

I'm sure most of you thought the same thing I did once you saw the lighthouse: "Oh, it must be Desmond who's sailing to the Island. YESSSSSSSS!!!!" He's been known to sing "I'm on a BOAT!", right? But when pausing on the wheel's 108 mark, the name there was "Wallace" (AND it was crossed out). Not "Hume."


Hmm. We know of no Wallace. Here's the thing, though... since Jacob really just wanted Jack to realize he'd been tracked his whole life, I don't even know if we can trust that Person #108 is who's coming to the Island in the first place. It sounds like the lighthouse wasn't even necessary to get that person ashore. So I'm still rooting for Desmond's return. And I'm definitely rooting AGAINST yet another new character being introduced.


ANYBODY SEEN
MY
BABY?

Elsewhere on the Island, Jin was bleeding out thanks to Claire's bear trap. Man, those scenes were gross. He's resting in her Rousseau-ish tent and she's out retrieving Justin the Other, who wasn't actually dead like we thought he was. She kept interrogating Justin about where Aaron was, and he kept saying he had no idea. Finally when she was about to bludgeon Justin with an ax, Jin shouted, "Kate's had Aaron for the past three years... and, for what it's worth, he looks NOTHING like your little Frankenstein doll over there!"

But Claire still gives it to Justin in the chest. D'oh.

Then Jin has to cover and say that Kate did NOT in fact have Aaron, but rather the Others had him over at the Temple, and that she'll need Jin in order to get there. At that point Fake Locke pops his head in the tent and Jin's like "What the..." and Claire introduces him as "her friend."

The main question I have about all this is whether or not Claire's seeing "her friend" as Locke or as someone else, since it seems as though her friend has been guiding her for the past three years and the Man in Black has only been in Locke's form for a few days. I'm not sure we'll ever get an answer to that one, though.

Jacob did warn Hurley that some eeeevil was on its way to the Temple and that it was too late to do anything about it, so now we know that he was most likely referring to Team Clocke going in to 1) retrieve the baby who is not actually there and 2) raise all sorts of holy hell. It will be interesting to see what happens if/when Sayid and Fake Locke come face to face, if Fake Locke is indeed the entity that put a "claim" on our favorite Iraqi. And, you know, since the previews couldn't show us ANYTHING since the next episode is going to be SO CRAZY (seriously, how ridiculous was that preview?), I guess we'll just have to wait and see if that's what goes down.

That's it for my episode analysis. Now here's what I think is going on overall.


THE BIG PICTURE

Before the season began, I figured that we would see an alternate version of events -- what the Losties lives would've been like had they never crashed on the Island. I also assumed that all of their lives would be significantly worse in that scenario. While we have yet to see what everyone is up to, so far -- with the exception of perhaps Rose and Bernard (since they were REALLY happy at their Retirement Beach Hut and Rose no longer had cancer) -- that prediction has not panned out.

As of right now in the flash sideways timeline:
- Kate is on the run, but not in jail like she'd feared she would be. And since there's a chance she didn't actually commit the crime she's accused of, she might escape prison (or at least get a light sentence) if she is ever caught. Plus, she made a friend in Claire -- awww!!!!
- Claire will most likely keep Aaron.
- Jack just turned a corner in the relationship with his son. And, um, Jack HAS A SON.
- Sayid appeared happy and was most likely going to meet Nadia after he landed.
- Hurley is the luckiest guy in the world and totally happy and chill.
- Sun and Jin... hmm, things aren't that rosy there, but we haven't seen much more of them so I'll reserve judgment for now.
- Sawyer we haven't seen enough of yet to know what's going on with him.
- Rose has cancer but is at peace with it.
- Locke is confined to a wheelchair but has made peace with it, has what appears to be a good relationship with his father, and is getting married to Helen, who rocks.
- Charlie - A drug addict, but presently still alive.
- Boone - Still dopey, but presently still alive.
- Arzt, Frogurt - Still alive.
- Ben's a teacher, Dogen's a dad.

So then I started thinking, "OK, they're showing us these two versions of how the 815ers lives could have been, and eventually each character is going to have to choose one version to stick with." But then I realized that that could never work, because it's not like off-Island Locke could just remove himself from the Island events and not have it affect what happened with/to the characters who might've chosen to stay with their Island lives. It's got to be an all or nothing scenario.

Then I thought that we just haven't seen enough of the off-Island events yet and that perhaps things are going to head south for everyone and it will be clear that the original timeline was what was "supposed to happen." Another idea was that events in the off-Island timeline would start (or eventually be able to) affect things on the Island -- but I'm still having trouble figuring out how they would communicate that to viewers now that we know the off-Island flashes are in 2004 and the Island events are years later. I guess they could always just cover 2005-2007 in the alternate timeline, too, and then everything would be synced up.

Most recently I got very worried that they're headed toward making ONE character -- Jack -- responsible for deciding everyone's fate. My problem with this scenario is absolutely nothing against Jack -- it's more with the fact that this would seem to fly in the face of the series' whole "free will versus fate" battle. It's not free will or fate if one person decides the fate of many. But since Jack had the nick on his neck, the weird reaction to his appendectomy scar and the faint memory of Desmond, I started thinking that he might end up being the only one who eventually has full recollection of BOTH timelines for ALL characters and then has to ultimately decide which one timeline should be kept and which one should cease to exist.

What gives me hope is that Kate also seemed to have a spark of recognition with Jack outside of the airport, and was also moved by the whale stuffed animal of Claire's (which, as I discussed in my "What Kate Does" post, she bought for Aaron herself in the original timeline).

So right now I'm just hoping that it's going to end up being the type of thing where all of the characters -- TOGETHER -- make a conscious choice to choose their Island existences over their No Crash existences. As my brother pointed out to me, when Jacob and the Man in Black had their infamous talk about how "it always ends the same... but it only ends once," what if the difference between the Losties and all of the other people Jacob's brought to the Island is that a subset of the 815ers actually chose to come back? So in a way, they've already taken a step toward deciding which life they want to lead.

Anybody got any other ideas? Like I said at the beginning of this season, I'm totally just rolling with things and am not getting too crazy about the various theories, but I figured now that we're 27.78% of the way through the season I'd let you know where my head was at.


BEST LINE OF THE EPISODE

"I just lied to a samurai." - Hurley


OTHER BITS

- In my last post I told you about how a fire consumed fellow blogger Vozzek's home. And I told you to buy his book already! He would like to thank everyone who did, and I wanted to pass along an update he gave recently on The ODI's podcast. I mentioned that Vozzek is one of the most positive people I know, and I think his upbeat personality really shines through in the linked clip.

- My husband and I went out to eat recently and were amused by the first cocktail listed on this bar menu. Of course we had to try it.



- My boy Zach D, LLL reader and writer, interviewed Michael Emerson (aka Ben) for GQ.com and it's an absolute must-read -- totally hilarious and, of course, spoiler-free. Here it is!

- Matt R, a LLL reader who had a "super-fan" interview with Entertainment Weekly's Doc Jensen a few months ago, is best known for making incredible videos that serve as invitations to his Lost viewing parties. They're like movie quality, seriously. Now he's extended his creativity to a t-shirt design revolving around the Dharma Shark (that's Ezra James Sharkington to listeners of the Official Lost Podcast) and I thought it was very cool. If you want one for yourself, here's his CafePress page.



And with that, I'm off to find a spring to dive into that will hopefully cure my own personal version of "the sickness." Wish me luck.

Until next time,
- e

S6Ep4: The Substitute

Hello my dear friends –

Every once in a while, something happens that makes you put life’s little day-in, day-out annoyances in perspective. Such a moment occurred earlier this week when I learned that one of the best Lost bloggers out there, my friend and fellow DarkUFO recapper Vozzek, lost his home to a fire. The good news is that his family and pets are all safe, he is currently in temporary housing, and an incredible support system of family and friends are helping him put things back in order. As he’s one of the most positive and coolest guys I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, I’d like to ask everyone to send some prayers, positive vibes, extra-good karma, or whatever else it is you think might help his way. Some of you who read Dark’s post about Vozzek's situation have asked me if there’s anything else you can do – and my response is, “I think right about now would be a GREAT time to show your support and buy his awesome book!”

I know Vozzek was counting on “The Substitute” to take his mind off of things for a bit, and I dare say that it probably did, as a lot of crazy stuff went down in that hour. Which means there’s much to cover, but first – as is becoming a bit of a Season Six posting tradition – let me revisit two issues from my “What Kate Does” write-up that I received a particularly high number of emails and comments about.

1) Some people thought that Jack recognized Desmond on the plane because of their previous encounter running up and down the stadium bleachers. But, as I said in my “ LA X (Part 1)” post, Des probably never trained for the Widmore-sponsored sailing race if Widmore went bye-bye with the rest of the Island in the alternate timeline. Further, in the original timeline, Desmond immediately recognized Jack when they saw each other three years later in the Swan hatch. Desmond did not recognize Jack on Bizarro 815. So my point is, Jack is experiencing some sort of latent memory of Desmond most likely because his “other life” on the Island is trying to reach out and make him remember. It’s even manifesting itself in physical ways, like that nick on his neck. But that doesn’t seem to be happening with Desmond.

2) Several people didn’t understand how I thought Sayid could be “claimed” by the Man in Black (MIB) since he was one of the 815ers that Jacob touched. I guess my reasoning with this one is simply that once one of The Touched goes and gets himself killed, all bets are off – MIB is then free to do some claiming. We’ve clearly seen this happen already to a much more severe extent with Locke, who had also been visited, and perhaps even brought back to life after his eight-story fall, by Jacob. Once Ben killed Locke, MIB was able to take his form. Now, am I holding out hope that Jacob instilled a special power in both Locke and Sayid that will prevent them from being completely taken over by the MIB (even though MIB isn’t in Locke’s original body)? Yes, I am. And I think we’ve seen some evidence of that already, which I’ll cover later.

OK! On to “The Substitute.” Island events first.


I’M SURROUNDED BY LIARS
EVERYWHERE I TURN
I’M SURROUNDED BY IMPOSTORS
EVERYWHERE I TURN

How cool was the Smokey Cam shot? (Dear Powers That Be at Disney: I think the “Smokey Flying Across the Island” scene could be leveraged into a very cool rollercoaster at your theme parks – hint, hint.) Are all you doubters finally satisfied that the Man in Black and Smokey are one and the same?

When MIB needed to chop Ageless Richard-in-a-Sack down from a tree, however, he had no choice but to transform back into Fake Locke and get to knife-wielding.

Richard was having none of Fake Locke’s crap and refused to skip off into the jungle with him. “I’ll never rule the universe with you!” he hissed. Or something like that. But Fake Locke didn’t even hear Richard’s defiant reply, because some bloody-armed mop-headed boy materialized in the middle of the jungle, freaking him out (and taking ten years off of my life in the process. You KNOW how I feel about creepy little kids!) Richard noticed Fake Locke’s wide-eyed stare and whipped around… but saw nothing. Now, I’m sure a lot of people are jumping to the conclusion that Richard was unable to see the kid. But I replayed that scene several times, and to me it looked like the boy had simply disappeared by the time Richard turned around. More on this in a bit.

Curiously, Fake Locke let Richard go. But he did warn him that “people seldom get a second chance,” which is of course the great irony of this season, since we’re seeing all of the 815ers do just that (in a way).


BLAME IT ON THE
A-A-A-A-A-ALCOHOL

Next, Fake Locke set his sights on Sawyer, who was having a gay ol’ time guzzling down whatever Dharma Booze he could find back in his old house. I have to pause here for a moment and say that although Josh Holloway nearly took over as Man-Crying Champion in the last episode, he can’t even touch Matthew Fox’s Drunk-Acting skillz. If you want to see how Wasted, Bumbling Fool is done, check out Foxy’s manual (aka: every flash-forward in which Jack has a hillbilly beard). My husband was like, “Is the fact that Sawyer’s all squinty-eyed supposed to mean that he’s drunk?”

Clearly he wasn’t THAT drunk, though. Because within about 4 milliseconds he’d seen right through Fake Locke. It didn’t seem to bother him that some evil-ish being had taken on the appearance of his old friend, though, and when Fake Locke promised to be able to answer the mother of all questions – why the con man and his fellow Losties were on the Island in the first place – Sawyer was clearheaded enough to utter a line that dashed the hopes and dreams (nay, fantasies) of millions of women around the globe: “Well, I guess I better put some pants on.”

Once Sawyer was decent (subjective word, I realize), he and Fake Locke started making their way together across the jungle, and dammit if that spooky kid didn’t pop up and turn my blood cold once more. I thought it was HILARIOUS when Sawyer asked, “Who the hell’s that?” and Fake Locke was all surprised that Sawyer could also see the boy. Now, Fake Locke’s response could definitely be meant to confirm that the mystery kid was indeed invisible to Richard. Or it could just mean that, knowing WHO the kid was, Fake Locke simply didn’t think anyone else would be able to see him. Regardless, he went running after the boy, tripped, and then got all pissy after the towheaded pre-teen warned, “You know the rules. You can’t kill him.”

Though I haven’t had time to read through the message board or other Lost sites, I can only imagine that there are a ton of theories as to who this kid might be. To me, however, it seems like there’s really only one option: Young Jacob. As in, a vision of him, not a time-traveling version of the actual Young Jacob (this helps explain the initial shot of him with bloody arms, which were then clean the next time he appeared).

Here’s my reasoning:
1) Who else is going to make the Man in Black that agitated? MIB thought he was finally rid of Jacob, and then there his old rival is again, in all of his youthful splendor to boot, reminding MIB of The Rules.
2) I’d be willing to bet that Jacob and the Man in Black grew up together and therefore knew each other as kids. I’d also be willing to bet that Jacob appeared as a pre-teen because we’ll see him again at that age in a flashback where we’ll eventually get both his and the MIB’s full stories.
3) The blood on the kid’s hands in his first appearance is probably meant to remind Fake Locke that HE has blood on his hands from killing Jacob, and Lord knows who else during his moonlighting stints as Smokey.
4) The kid referenced The Rules. The Man in Black has spent several lifetimes trying to find a loophole around one of those rules – the one about how he couldn’t personally kill Jacob.
5) Jacob would have a vested interest in wanting to keep all of the people he visited and touched off-Island safe. As he touched Sawyer, this is why Sawyer can see him, even though Young Jacob is probably just an apparition.

You can go through every other male character who has blond hair and try to make a plea for why it might be him, but there’s no case as strong as the one above, in my mind. The only other option I might buy is if the kid is just simply meant to represent the Island overall. Older Aaron? Huh? Why would he be dressed like that? Younger Locke? Ditto (and we’ve already seen Locke around this age in a flashback). Younger Sawyer? Wouldn’t Sawyer recognize himself? I’m stickin’ with Young Jacob!


ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE
TO REMIND ME

After the kid reminded Fake Locke about the rules, Fake Locke shouted Real Locke’s trademarked line – TWICE. I don’t know about you guys, but that – combined with the fact that the Man in Black somehow knew what Real Locke’s dying thoughts were (even though he isn’t in Real Locke’s body) – gives me hope that because Jacob’s healing powers were infused into Locke after his eight-story fall, Real Locke is somewhere deep inside of this impostor and is slowly but surely battling his way out.



I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU SETTING ME UP
SETTING ME UP
JUST TO KNOCK-A KNOCK-A KNOCK-A ME
DOWN, DOWN, DOWN
I'M GOIN DOWN, DOWN, DOWN
I'M GOIN' DOWN, DOWN, DOWN

While Fake Locke chased the Ghost Kid, Sawyer got a visit from Richard, who seemed extremely nervous about running into the bald baddie again. Richard tried to convince Sawyer to return to the Temple, but Sawyer was all, “Hell to the no.” Before he ran away, Richard warned Sawyer that Fake Locke’s goal was to kill the remaining 815ers.

In a cool shout-out to his time with Ben on the Hydra island in Season Three, Sawyer started talking about “Of Mice and Men” to Fake Locke, who mentioned that the 1937 novel was “a little after his time.” I thought that when Sawyer pulled a gun on Fake Locke he was going to reveal that he was TOTALLY on to his evil plan, but alas, Fake Locke sweet-talked his way out of the situation, thanks to claims of being “so close.”

Eventually the two climbed down Jacob’s ladder (get it?) and head into a totally random cave that appeared to have some sort of musical instrument and a scale holding one black and one white rock. (Those were not the same stones Jack found on the Adam and Eve skeletons in the cave in Season One, by the way.) As an “inside joke,” Fake Locke grabbed the white stone and tossed it into the ocean. And then he lit a torch and took Sawyer into the Cave of Names.

While I do think the Man in Black is “the bad guy” and that his plan IS to kill all of the 815ers, I don’t think he was lying about the Cave of Names. I think over the course of time, Jacob identified people (how? Not sure – maybe by wandering around the world and observing behaviors?) he thought could one day take his place, serve as the ultimate protector of the Island, and prove to MIB that humankind was inherently good. Then he found ways to get them to the Island. He kept track of them all in this cave and assigned numbers to them because he had “a thing for numbers.” And that, my friends, might be all the insight you ever get into The Numbers. (I actually don’t think it will be, but I’ve never been that interested in this particular mystery, so I’m OK if that’s the extent of the reveal.)

The gang’s all listed, with the glaring exception of Kate and the weirdness of not knowing if Jin or Sun was meant to be one of Jacob’s candidates. My first thought upon not seeing Kate’s last name was that I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that in the original pilot for the entire series, KATE was supposed to be the hero (and Jack was supposed to die). So maybe in the end Kate will still end up as the Island’s ultimate savior, and Jacob purposely didn’t list her because he knew that the MIB might use the information in the cave for eeeevil one day? Who knows. That really doesn’t seem like it would work, though, because Kate’s never felt a strong connection to the Island, like Locke and Jack (and even Hurley sometimes) have. Another idea is that Jacob simply didn’t write ALL of the names out because he knew that if MIB ever found the cave and went after everyone listed, he might kill all of them. If the “Harry Potter Horcrux” theory I mentioned in a past post is valid, then Jacob might’ve had reason to leave at least one name off of the cave wall so that there would still be part of his soul left within one or more candidates. I could seriously write for a loooong time about all of the possibilities the Cave of Names brings forth, but, um, I’d rather not. So let’s talk about Sawyer’s options.

Now that he knows he’s up for the title of Head Cheese, Sawyer needs to decide what he wants to do. The way Fake Locke sees it, there are three choices: 1) Do nothing and possibly wind up dead, 2) Take Jacob’s place (though I think Fake Locke neglected to mention that doing so would probably require a little more than saying, “Hey everybody, I’m the new Jacob and you will treat me with respect!!!”, or 3) Get outta dodge with a little help from Fake Locke.

Because we’ve seen a season of real-world events courtesy of the Oceanic Six, it’s easy to forget that Sawyer has been stuck on the Island for three years. He’s lost his ladylove, he is sick and tired of the other survivors, and we wants OUT. Does he know that Fake Locke is probably going to try and kill him? I think so. But does he care? That is the question. Sawyer has nothing to lose and might not even mind dying. So he might go along with Fake Locke’s plan, whatever that ends up being. Though I personally think that you can’t out-con a born con man, and therefore Sawyer would never let himself get played. I think he’s going to pull one over on MIB before it’s all said and done.

And once again, I DO think the Man in Black wants control of the Island and is therefore precisely who the Island needs protecting from. If he’s been alive THAT long, he has no home to go back to. He probably wants to totally destroy the Island out of revenge for whatever wrongs he suffered earlier in his life – perhaps when he was mortal. Recall that he mentioned being betrayed and losing someone he loved. I’m confident we’ll get those details in the next fourteen episodes.

MIB is clearly trying to manipulate Sawyer into doing something that will result in him (MIB) having more power. He’s picked off Locke and possibly Sayid, and now he’s focused on Sawyer. Anyone else with an uncrossed name on the cave wall will be next, just like Richard said. What has Richard ever done for us to NOT trust him, people? Look into those supposedly un-eyelinered (yeah right) eyes!!! Can’t you see he’s telling the truth?!?


Elsewhere on the Island…

GOODBYE
CRUEL WORLD

Surprise, surprise… Ben LIED to a distraught Ilana and told her that MIB killed Jacob. Upon hearing that her boss was then pushed into the fire pit, she pulled out her handy dandy pouch and started pouring Jacob’s ashes into it. Which made me think, “Um, has Jacob died before? Is that where all of the other ash came from?” Kinda gross. But also kinda cool. That’s as far as I’m going to let my mind go with this theory right now, though.

Ilana informs the rest of the group that they best head to the Temple, but they decide to give Real Locke a proper burial first. Ben begrudgingly uttered the most inappropriate eulogy of all time (or maybe I’m not aware of the etiquette – is it OK to admit you murdered the guy being buried?) and then Lapidus grumbled the best follow-up of all time. “Weirdest damn funeral I’ve ever been to.”

Oh, geez, I almost forgot. Ilana gave us a key bit of information as they were putting Locke to rest: The Man in Black is now frozen in Locke’s form – no more shapeshifting into Zombie Dad or Alex or Yemi or whoever else he’s been over the years. Why? Who knows – it probably has something to do with Jacob dying. I don’t really care about the reason, all I care about is the fact that the burial of one Locke body and the existence of another one that isn’t going anywhere unless something drastic happens is enough for me to keep hope alive for my “Real Locke is in there somewhere” theory mentioned above.


Alrighty, then. Though bad things might go down if Sawyer leaves the Island, it doesn’t mean we can’t. Time for the flashes.


LOVE AND MARRIAGE
LOVE AND MARRIAGE
GO TOGETHER LIKE A
HORSE AND CARRIAGE

You can bet that I was prepared to be crying my eyes out during all of Locke’s off-Island scenes. Things certainly started out looking grim, didn’t they? He fell flat on his face trying to get out of his van and then got drenched by the sprinklers (which evoked happier times when he’d predict downpours on the Island). But then he laughed it off, out came Helen, and we learned that they’re happily engaged and soon to be married.

When she mentioned the wedding, she also mentioned getting her parents and HIS DAD to go to Vegas and do the whole shebang shotgun-style. And then Lost fans around the world cried to the heavens, “Saaaaaaay wwwwhhhhhaaaaaa???”

Now, like I can only imagine everyone else did, I assumed that the father in question was NOT the Anthony Cooper we’ve come to detest over the series. The guy who stole Locke’s kidney, pushed him out of a high-rise and left him for dead, and then mysteriously showed up bound and gagged on the Island, was revealed to be the Original Sawyer, and was finally ceremoniously strangled by Sawyer/James.

Surely it wasn’t THAT Bad Dad, right?

Wrong.

Thanks to the awesome Brothers Headington at GetLostPodcast.com, we have this screenshot from Locke’s cubicle, and displayed proudly is a picture of him hunting with dear ol’ pop.




NOW is the time we can all cry to the heavens, “Saaaaay whhhhaaaaaaaa?????”

I have NO IDEA what to make of this. Helen and Locke met in the original timeline because they were both at an anger management session. Locke was there trying to get over the whole “my dad stole one of my organs” thing. So if he’s got a picture of Anthony in his office and Helen’s talking about him coming to their wedding, it’s unlikely that he did anything to cause Locke to seek therapy. Helen and Locke must have met some other way. And I HIGHLY doubt Locke’s paralysis was a result of his father trying to kill him. Which probably also means that it wasn’t Orderly Abaddon who put the walkabout idea in Locke’s head. I repeat: I have NO IDEA what to make of any of this. Why would his dad be a con man in one timeline and not the other?



MEET THE NEW BOSS
SAME AS THE OLD BOSS

Since I skipped ahead a bit to talk about Locke’s cubicle, let’s stick with that scene for a minute. Randy Nations, representing all that is wrong with Corporate America and sending chills down my spine in the process, was still Locke’s boss in the alternate timeline, and was still an incredible prick. He found out that Locke hadn’t been at a conference in Australia and straight-up fired him.

But never fear, because there was a bright yellow H2 parked next to Locke’s van, and that could only mean one thing: Hugo Reyes had arrived to save the day. As he did in the original timeline, Hurley owned the box company Locke had been employed with, and – in an effort to make up for Randy’s douchery – hooked Locke up at his temp agency. Where Rose works. BOOM!


JUST GIMME SOME TRUTH

As I suspected in my “LA X” write-up, Rose has terminal cancer in the alternate timeline, since the Island’s powers aren’t around to cure her. She seems to be handling her situation well, but has no patience for Locke’s delusions. Even though their exchange about finding Locke a job that was “a little more realistic” ripped my heart into ten bazillion shreds, a teeny part of me was chuckling because I ran a contest in November where people were supposed to send in tongue-in-cheek ideas about something we’d see go down on the show in its final season. The winner, Dirte, entered: “Someone Finally Tells Locke Something That He Actually CAN'T Do." Whaddaya know, Dirte was right!

Once Locke had returned home, however, he toyed with the idea of having a consultation with the spinal surgeon he’d met at the airport (I loved when Locke explained to Helen that “He’d lost something, too”). But after dialing Jack’s office, he quickly hung up. Not before Helen heard the call, though, and confronted Locke about what was going on. Cue the arrival of the Case o’ Knives.

Locke spilled the truth about the walkabout and losing his job, and I was seriously afraid that Helen was going to dump his ass right there and then Locke would end up a sad, pathetic dude once again. Instead, she was like, “I love you for YOU!”, ripped up Jack’s card (yes, I shrieked in horror) and then gave her man a big ol’ kiss. She also reminded him that miracles DO happen. His initial assertion that “there’s no such thing” was of course exactly what Jack said on the Island at one point. The parallels were flying all over the place like Hot Pockets in this episode.

One last comment before we leave Helen… I never believed that she had actually died of a brain aneurysm in 2006 like Abaddon claimed she did in the original timeline when Locke went off-Island to try and convince the O6 to return. I figured that Abaddon just didn’t want Locke to be distracted from his mission, so he had a tombstone erected to throw Locke off of the trail. I really, really hope that she remains alive and kickin’ in this new set of off-Island occurrences, because my heart won’t be able to take watching Locke lose her now that he seems to have truly found happiness. ARE YOU LISTENING, WRITERS?!?!?

One more last last comment: I still have faith that Jack and Locke WILL cross paths again. They’ve got to.


HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL

In Locke’s final off-Island segment, we see that he’s found work at a school. During a break he goes into the teacher’s lounge and there’s some sniveling guy droning on about how no one ever brews a fresh pot of coffee. When Locke asked for Earl Grey I actually cheered, because anyone who knows me knows that there are two things in this world that I cannot do without: 1) Kiehl’s lip balm and 2) a cup of Earl Grey each morning. I got a huge kick out of Locke being a fellow tea-lover. Let me have my moment, OK? Sheesh, I had to endure his funeral earlier in the hour, remember.

Anyway, the big WTF moment in this flash was of course the reveal of Ben as the sniveling teacher. Cordial introductions are made. And… scene.

My initial point of confusion was how Ben could even be alive. When all hell was breaking loose at the Swan site in 1977, he was still deep within the Temple being healed from Sayid’s assassination attempt. I assumed that if the Island had been destroyed, Ben would’ve died. His presence in the teacher’s lounge makes me think that a theory I mentioned two write-ups ago might be correct: Jughead didn’t decimate the Island in the alternate timeline, but it might have caused some other chain of events to occur that still concluded with the Island sinking. In that scenario, Young Ben would’ve had time to evacuate. Would that mean that European History Teacher Ben has memories of his time on the Island? Or am I totally off base here and the alternate timeline veered from the original timeline’s course much earlier than 1977? It’s late and I can’t drink another cuppa Earl Grey or else I’ll be up all night, so I’ll let you guys tell me what you think could be going on with the Ben situation.

My final thought about this episode is this: when I heard that its title was “The Substitute,” I would’ve never guessed that it was, in the most literal sense, referring to Locke as a substitute teacher. “The Substitute” seems more in line with other episode titles like “The Constant” and “The Variable” – you know, algebra-y terms and whatnot – the “substitution method” to solving equations, yadda yadda yadda. That’s probably the real meaning of the title, what with all the talk about “candidates” being replacements/substitutes for Jacob, the MIB attempting to pass himself off as Locke, etc., etc. I’m not going anywhere else with this thought. Just felt like sharing.

That’s all for this episode, folks! Let me leave you with a hilarious picture that longtime LLL reader Wanders (from the awesome Mary Worth & Me blog passed along. This is an untouched photo of a very suspicious snow removal truck he spied in his office parking lot earlier this week. He wrote, "I have to tell you... When I saw it, I truly was jolted. Then I remembered, I live in the real world, and I was okay."



Hmm, I don't know, I think he should still be worried!

Until next time,
- e